Since the illusion of "Superwoman" sends conflicting messages to working women and stay-at-home moms, Ellen Casper, a psychologist and owner of Ellen S. Casper & Associates in Beachwood and Rocky River, suggests ditching the label altogether.
"When we use terminology like 'super,' we create extremely unrealistic expectations for ourselves," she says.
Rather than struggling to balance multiple roles, Casper recommends establishing priorities and setting boundaries.
- Make your own self-care a priority
- Don't strive for perfection. Allow room for error without guilt
- Surround yourself with a team of experts another parent or partner, a grandparent or a child-care provider, good friends, staff people and service providers.
- When sickness, a financial dilemma, a problem employee or other challenges alter priorities, assign responsibility for other categories to someone on your team
- Communicate with key players in your life. Solicit their support before you reach the edge
- Don't volunteer to be PTA president when you have too many commitments. Instead, assist on a field trip or bring cookies for a party (and rather than baking the cookies, buy them)
- Adopt the same strategy when it comes to community service. If you can't attend 12 meetings a year, serve on a committee that only meets six times a year.
Now that you've set those boundaries, honor them, stresses Nancy Jones Keogh, an Akron-area psychologist and co-owner of Keogh Bendo and Associates.
"Females are poor at doing that because we tend to take care of other people, but not such good care of ourselves," she says. "But if you don't honor your boundaries and set limits for what you're willing to do, you'll wind up pretty burned out."
Jones Keogh suggests a three-pronged approach for avoiding burnout:
Physical: Monitor your diet. Exercise. Pamper yourself with the occasional massage or pedicure.
Mental: Join a book club for intellectual stimulation. Take a watercolor or creative writing course to coax your creativity.
Spiritual: Whether it's going to church, attending a spiritual retreat or joining a chant or drumming group, such spiritual experiences rejuvenate us and prevent burnout.
"There are so many creative ways a woman can find her center," Casper says. "For some, it's through exercise or going to mass. For others, it's by walking in the woods, taking a child to a carnival or going out to dinner with friends. The key is to do something different that alleviates daily stress."
Peel Away the Layers
When Chris Perrow is called in to help a woman organize her life, the process is like peeling an onion.
"Usually, she's trying to get something done but she's so buried in so many tasks, she's not getting down to what needs to be done," says Perrow, an organizational coach and owner of Perrow Organizational Systems in Silver Lake. "I try to peel away the layers to determine what can be redirected, eliminated and delegated."
The process goes a lot easier with some than others.
"When some people fight it, that may signal that the woman isn't in the right job," Perrow says. "She may have the right credentials, but she's not engaged for whatever reason."
If the struggle to unclutter your life is too difficult, says Perrow, ask yourself, Is this where I really want to be?
"If your heart isn't singing," she advises, "reconsider your role and make adjustments."
- To pinpoint what you most value and wish to accomplish, summarize your qualities, values, achievements and goals as a working woman, mother, partner, friend, volunteer and so on
- Do a "brain dump" of all the "shoulds" that shadow your thoughts. Those only lead to worry, which is nonproductive
- Whether it's organizing a closet or writing a presentation, give yourself a start and end time, and ignore distractions
- Rather than trying to multitask, allot yourself 20 or 30 minutes to concentrate on and complete one task at a time
- Assign chores to each family member and hold everyone accountable
- Hold routine family meetings and establish a "control central calendar" where each family member records their upcoming activities.
Nutrition Management
As a licensed and registered dietitian practicing at Eating Management Center in Beachwood and Rocky River, Vicki Resnick sees too many fast-track women cut nutritional corners. But women on the go need to make nutrition a primary, rather than a secondary, consideration.
"Every woman needs an appropriate mix of calories, carbohydrates, fats and proteins, vitamins, minerals and sufficient liquids," Resnick says. "If you're racing around, eating on the run and neglecting your nutritional needs, you'll get tired earlier, start dragging, won't be able to concentrate and will end up not feeling your optimum."
To prevent malnourishment, Resnick offers the following nutritional advice:
- Eat a healthy breakfast. For lunch, get away from work and relax, rather than grabbing a doughnut from the conference room or eating on the run. Limit fast foods to once a week
- Eat from all five food groups: starches, fruits, vegetables, meats and dairy. Nutritional adjustments can be made for vegetarians
- Take multivitamins if you're consuming less than 1,200 calories a day
- If you're overweight, address the issues with appropriate diet and exercise modifications. Consult with a dietitian and make changes. Rapid weight loss and fad diets don't work in the long term. Slow and steady changes work best
- Make time for exercise. Five minutes a day is better than no minutes. If you work in an office building, use the stairs. If you have a dog, take your pet for an extra-long wal
- Keep healthy food in the house. Teach other family members how to shop for groceries and how to prepare a meal. There's a better chance of eating appropriately if food is in the house and if someone else can at least start fixing a meal before you get home.