Meet The Pierogi, the Satirical News Site That’s Heckling Cleveland: Q&A

The email listed on The Pierogi’s website comes with a disclaimer that says “you can still contact us, but we won’t respond.” We, here at Cleveland Magazine, contacted them anyway.

The Pierogi, a parody online newspaper that appeared early this year, has a firm commitment to staying anonymous, and of committing to the bit. When a response did come through, it arrived with conditions: They’d answer questions, but only over email. No in-person interviews — nothing that might risk exposing the “very smart journalists” and unpaid interns behind the account.

The Pierogi posts hyperlocal satire that requires a functional understanding of Cleveland sinkholes, politics and the emotional turmoil of Browns fans. With a handful of articles and a couple dozen posts on social media, each styled in a similar way to fellow satire page The Onion, the account has gained more than 4,300 followers on Instagram, its most popular platform. And its traction continues to grow.

After a week of what we can only assume was extensive deliberation, we received the answers to the questions Clevelanders have been dying to ask.

This interview has been lightly edited for clarity.

Cleveland Magazine: Who is The Pierogi, and what gap did you feel it was filling in Cleveland’s media or culture?

The Pierogi: The Pierogi is made up of a group of Cleveland residents, but, like most Cleveland institutions, there is one person at the top who doesn’t live in Cleveland, nor will they ever live there, due to being “scared of everything going on.” The Pierogi is Cleveland’s No. 1 news source; we know a bunch of stuff about a lot of things, so we are very knowledgeable and trustworthy. We felt truth and humor were missing from Cleveland’s media, so we combined them into tumor. So we really consider ourselves to be the tumor of Cleveland. 

CM: Why the name “The Pierogi”? What does it represent to you about Cleveland?

TP: Let's start at the beginning: during the Great Depression, pierogies were invented as a cheap, comforting meal in tough times. Now, we want to relieve the symptoms of modern America’s great depression through our truth and humor. Again, our comforting tumor.

CM: The Pierogi has been compared to The Onion, a national satirical newspaper. How accurate is that comparison?

TP: Pierogies more often come paired with onions rather than compared. If you were to compare them, you’d find they’re quite different. For example, onions are vegetables that come in varieties. I mean, pierogies come in varieties too, but one is a vegetable from the ground, the other is a dumpling often filled with potatoes, which is also a vegetable from the ground. So maybe they are sort of similar, and comparing them would be fair. So I guess the biggest difference is we didn’t just buy InfoWars.

CM: How would you describe the voice or personality of the account?

TP: The voice of a generation. The humor of that actress who played Christine from The New Adventures of Old Christine, combined with the ball knowledge of Lebron James, and the cunning investigative wit of Carl Monday. We know Julia Louis-Dreyfus isn't from Cleveland, but we really like her and think The New Adventures of Old Christine is underappreciated.

CM: Have you ever gotten pushback? How did you handle it?

TP: We’ve received pushback from our corporate sponsor, FirstEnergy. We’ve responded by altering the facts we presented in our stories to support their bottom line better. It’s important we protect the people they bribe, allegedly. Our lawyer has informed us to clearly state “allegedly.” 

CM: How quickly do you turn around posts based on current events or trends?

TP: We have very strict internal metrics; turnaround depends on the efficiency of our unpaid interns' Photoshop capability. 

CM: We understand you’d like to stay anonymous, but is there anything readers should know about The Pierogi and who is behind it?

TP: We are Clevelanders who genuinely love Cleveland and want the city to succeed. We want every Clevelander to one day sit in a very comfortable $2,000 chair.

CM: What’s next for The Pierogi?

TP: Our uniquely crafted tumor will metastasize across the media landscape. We want total domination of local media. You should be scared. Your boss should be scared. No one is safe. 

TP: P.S.: We know you didn’t ask this, but we feel very strongly that the Cleveland Clinic should have a basketball team. In fact, we think there should be a local healthcare community league. UH, Metro Health, Cleveland Clinic, St. Vincent, the VA and Neighborhood Family Practice should meet up at Luke Easter Park to finally settle the GOAT debate.

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