Imagine your daughter calls home and says, "Hey, Mom, so a bazillion guys are gonna see me naked!" Your thoughts. "I'm very supportive of my daughter in everything she does," says Carmen Figueroa, mother of Playboy Playmate of the Year Carmella DeCesare of Avon Lake. "Besides, Playboy isn't nudity. It's art."
Hold on. There are pictures in Playboy? When did this happen?
A while ago, from what I hear.
Where was the staple?
I'm not sure. But I don't think anyone complained that it got in the way of anything.
And you're sure your whole family is OK with this.
As my Uncle Vinny says, "Hey, it's just skin." Believe me, if my mother were still alive, she'd be walking down the street with a megaphone telling everyone about her granddaughter.
Until the police showed up and fined her for a public disturbance.
Tell me about going to the mansion for the Playmate of the Year announcement. And please, talk slowly.
It was a very lovely, wonderful experience. Rich and elegant. It's not what you think, though. When you're at the mansion, it's like one big giant family.
Who do I talk to about being adopted by this family?
Let me see what I can do.
Did you get to meet Hugh Hefner?
Absolutely. He's very dapper, a lot of class.
Do I remind you of him?
In the sense that you're breathing, yes.
When Carmella was growing up, did she say, "Someday, Mom, I want to be a three-page foldout"?
The funny thing is, in high school, she used to come home crying because all the boys made fun of her.
Trust me. They're kicking themselves now.
Rumor has it you thought about Playboy once yourself.
A long, long time ago, Playboy had an open call. I went down, but nothing ever came of it. Full-figured girls were in back then and I was just this skinny little thing.
This makes two Playmates of the Year from Northeast Ohio in the past five years. How do you explain that?
Easy. Who doesn't like the wholesome look of a beautiful Midwestern girl?
Let's cut to the chase: Is she dating Jeff Garcia?
Well, my daughter has gone out with him and my family has met him. He's a very nice man.
Tim Couch has never been in the picture, though?
Tim Couch has never been in the picture.
You're not the first person I've heard say that.