It’s easy to find bridal registries in department stores. Just look between the fine china and crystal stemware. You’ll most likely see a registry consultant poised to guide you to the silver. But where are the brides? An increasing number of them are at stores like Target, armed with scanning guns, or online, adding camping equipment to their REI registry.
These days, wedding well-wishers are finding that registries often include everything from toasters and tea services to homes and honeymoons. But are there limits to registering, and how far can you push them without being gauche? And what about the fancy china and pretty crystal vases? Do you want those, too?
From Skis to Candlesticks
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Been There, Done That Local brides offer advice on registering the right way. • Register at two department stores for the same items if you have a lot of out-of-town guests. For example, some cities have Dillard’s but not Kaufmann’s. Give guests the choice. • Register at Kaufmann’s, as they frequently offer special deals — such as buy one wineglass and get one free — that most other department stores don’t. • If you plan to entertain, you will need at least three serving trays. • Don’t let relatives or friends influence you too much. If you’re a casual couple, you may not need or want a set of china. • There are some things to register for that you may not think of initially, such as beach towels. While inexpensive, they will get a lot of use. • Unless you get everything you registered for, which is unlikely, you’ll have to finish off your registry yourself. At most department stores, you’ll get a 10 percent discount on all items you purchase the day you open a credit-card account. • Don’t register for an expensive tablecloth if you don’t have a dining-room table yet. They cost upward of $100 and might not fit the table you buy. • Ask for at least 10 place settings of your everyday dishes. • Regard your mother with suspicion. She will try to talk you into registering for a roaster and an electric toaster, but you may not have room for all of those items in your kitchen. • Get a food processor if you plan to do much besides grilling and broiling. • China or stemware with platinum or gold rims is pretty, but realize that it requires extra care. Dishwashers and even lemon detergent can damage the metal. |
Most Cleveland brides still register at one of the old favorites, such as Dillard’s or Kaufmann’s. It’s their second, third and even fourth choices that are surprising. “I noticed that brides are registering in several places instead of just one place,” says Antoinette (who prefers to use her first name only), a wedding planner and owner of Elegant Events by Antoinette in Bedford. “Also, [they register] online for stores not in town.” Today’s brides seek out places such as Target’s ClubWedd for its eclectic mix of home-decor accessories, including talking cookie jars and Eiffel Tower lamps. Pier 1 Imports has become another local favorite for its colorful dinnerware and fun collection of candles, pillows and accessories. Pottery Barn, too, is increasingly chosen as a second or third registry by brides who like its nontraditional home-accent pieces, sheets and dinnerware.
If a bride’s favorite store isn’t in town, she heads for the Web. Crate & Barrel, Tiffany & Co., Macy’s and REI all have popular online bridal registries. Couples can start their new lives together with everything from vintage cabinet knobs to new skis. Both TheKnot.com and WeddingChannel.com offer one-stop shopping for many popular online registries.
Registering for more informal items is a good idea for many brides, but Antoinette advises against completely shunning the more traditional items. “I always suggest they register for china and silverware,” says Antoinette. “Right now, things are more casual, but eventually they’ll want the china and silver.”
Show Me the Money
There’s no doubt that the bounds of bridal registries have been pushed. Even so, proper etiquette still prevents newlyweds from registering for the one thing that many need most: cold, hard cash. Though weddings as personal fund-raisers are frowned upon, the bridal registry industry has expanded to include registries for homes, honeymoons and even furniture.
A Bridal Registry Account is a relatively new offering from the Federal Housing Authority. Once a couple opens an interest-bearing savings account at a participating FHA-approved bank or mortgage company, friends and family can deposit cash toward the down payment on a new home.
Of course, you need to fill that home — a task made easier by the rise of furniture registries. Ethan Allen, for example, recently introduced a way for couples to at least make headway toward a dining-room set or living-room furniture. “The way it works is a couple registers for furniture and their guests can ‘contribute’ to the purchase,” says Ethan Allen spokeswoman Kelly Maicon. “Guests can purchase a gift card in any amount toward a sofa — or certainly purchase the entire piece for them. It is completely up to the guest.”
Similarly, many couples now register for honeymoons with local travel agencies. Friends and family can contribute to honeymoon travel expenses and activities such as breakfast in bed, scuba-diving lessons or a day at the spa.
“There has been an increase for the bridal couple to include travel in their registry,” says Pamela Jordan Handley, travel-services marketing director for the Ohio Motorists Association. “It’s becoming a more and more frequent gift at bridal showers.”
For those couples who truly do have it all — especially older couples who come from established households — charitable giving is becoming increasingly popular. Web sites such as MarriedForGood.com list more than 100 charities selected from the American Institute of Philanthropy. Other sites worth visiting are JustGive.org and IDoFoundation.com. Both offer registries designed to help couples arrange for guests to donate money to charity in lieu of buying wedding gifts.
Etiquette
When it comes to registering, today’s bride has more options than ever before. But that doesn’t mean she should take advantage of all of them. Etiquette experts point out that there are still rules of decorum that should be observed.
While most people now accept unconventional gifts such as DVD players and even camping equipment, there is a clear line that should not be crossed: Gifts should be items that you and your new husband can use together in your new life. Registering for personal items such as video games, clothing and jewelry is a no-no. Etiquette experts also advise having at least one more traditional store on your registry so that guests who feel uncomfortable buying 1/10 of a couch or honeymoon trip as a gift have an alternative.
So what is the socially acceptable way to inform people where you’ve registered? You’ll find that most veteran wedding guests will simply ask. The task of discreetly spreading the word should be left to family and close friends. Although many store registries supply the couple with an invitation insert announcing where they’re registered, those should only be used for shower invitations. “It is not polite to put those [inserts] into the wedding invitation,” declares Antoinette.
She adds that registries should be available four to six months before the wedding and prior to all bridal showers. Brides should also recognize that it’s important to include gifts from a wide variety of price ranges, so that even guests on a budget will be able to afford a requested gift.
Lastly, recognize that guests have every right to ignore your registries and choose something that they think would be perfect for you. So, despite your best efforts, you are almost certain to end up with at least one crystal picture frame and an electric frying pan.
