Journalism at its core is about uncovering the truth. It’s not always fun, it’s not always glamorous and it’s not always easy. There are times when the job can become messy and challenging, both mentally and, occasionally, physically.
But people deserve answers. People deserve to know the truth about things, good or bad. That’s the duty. There are far too many things shrouded in mystery in today’s world.
With all this in mind, I decided to put on my journalism hat as snug as I could and determine whether all-you-can-eat seats at a Cleveland Guardians game are worth the price tag that they carry.
A true act of bravery in this profession, I know.
I decided that on June 20 I would buy a ticket for the club section at Progressive Field (the first base side mezzanine) for a game between the Guardians and the Seattle Mariners. It was a 1:10 p.m. first pitch. The ticket cost $90, which included a solid mid-level seat and all the food and soft drinks that I could ask for. The goal of this mission was to see if I could eat $90 worth of food.
I wasn’t able to make it to the park until right around the first pitch, but the gates open an hour before. That’s when attendees are allowed to begin stuffing their faces with ballpark fare and high-end eats that can’t be found elsewhere in the park.
My thinking was that doing this during the day would be a great chance to enjoy a ballgame, catch some sun and put down a hot dog or seven.
That was mistake No. 1.
The high temperature on this Thursday afternoon was 93 degrees and not a cloud in the sky. A beautiful day for a lot of things like going to the beach, playing a round of golf, even catching a baseball game.
Not exactly what would be described as optimal conditions to force yourself to consume enough to feed a family of four throughout the course of a nine-inning baseball game. It was the type of heat that had you sweating just sitting down. Luckily, the seat I purchased, Section 340, Row T, Seat 10, was in the top row, meaning I was in the shade.
As I reached the club section, the top of the first inning was wrapping up. The Guardians were down 2-0 after a Seattle home run, but the scoreboard was empty as far as my food consumption went. It was time for that to change. Before I found my seat, I checked out what options were available inside the club section – which was air conditioned, might I add – in addition to the typical ballpark fare I knew would be waiting for me outside.
I decided to start my feast in a traditional way: hot dogs, because when you’re at a baseball game, you almost always have to have a hot dog, right? So, my first plate of food consisted of a hot dog ($5), cheeseburger ($7), french fries ($5) and a 12oz Pepsi ($3).
(Not everything I’m going to consume is available throughout the park to the general fan, so some of the prices are rough estimates.)
All three food items are delightful. Few things make me happier inside a stadium than being able to enjoy a hot dog with Ballpark Mustard. Plus, being able to add an additional slice of cheese to my burger might not seem like a big deal, but sometimes it’s alright to enjoy the little delicacies, or something like that. The fries are pretty good, too.
Oh, and the Guardians score a run in the bottom of the first, thanks in part to a double from outfielder Steven Kwan. He’s now hitting .400 on the season and it’s almost July. Absolutely bonkers the year he’s having.
We’ve got one plate down, worth roughly $20 if it were all purchased separately throughout the concourse.
Part of my thinking throughout this challenge was to eat quickly, as to not give my body time to feel full. I also wanted to try different things. Could I have just eaten 10 hot dogs and a bunch of Pepsi? Sure. But where’s the fun in that?
So I head back into the Discount Drug Mart Club and survey some of my other options that aren’t traditionally found at a baseball game. There’s a salad bar that looks appealing, but that’s not in the spirit of this day. Eating $20 worth of salad almost feels like cheating. There’s also a gourmet chef’s station in the southwest part of the club. The food looks terrific. There’s baked southern-style chicken, mashed potatoes, gravy and more. There’s also a station near the burgers that has penne pasta with alfredo. Sounds good, right?
I can’t think of something I’d want less on a day as hot as this one. Consuming that feels like it would send me home for a nap. I don’t want that, no matter how good it might taste. I’m going to pass and head back outside.
I turn right out of the club and head to the “Ballpark Classics” stand on the east end. Here I find several different varieties of pizza ($10), as well as three types of pretzel bites ($8) and a dessert station. I’ll be back for both of those things later, but for now, I’ll head back to my seat with a couple slices of pepperoni pizza. There was also a coffee station at this stand, but it’s far too hot for that right now.
I get to my seat and dig into the pizza. It’s pretty good, but I realize I think I’m making mistake No. 2 as I take my first bite of the second slice.
This might be something that’s too filling and will ultimately slow me down. But I show quite a bit of courage and forge on, even eating the crust.
It’s 1:39 p.m. I’ve eaten about $40 worth of food, and it feels like time is moving in slow motion while I sit in a sauna. I contemplate breaking one of my rules and going after the hearty stuff in the club. It would certainly carry a higher price tag and help me to reach my goal, but I ultimately ignore that instinct.
I can’t quit. I decide that it might be time to snack on a bit of lighter fare, but I’ve got to keep eating. I also promised myself that I won’t have another meal the rest of the day and that I’ll be at the gym before work on Friday morning.
I refill my Pepsi for the fourth time, find the nacho bar ($12) and grab some popcorn ($6). The popcorn station also has one of those butter machines that you find at a movie theater, and passing on the chance to make the popcorn extra buttery is a fool’s errand.
This plate (or plate and cup of popcorn) goes down pretty easy, but the heat is catching up with me. I’m sweating just sitting there. The Guardians put together a nice rally in the fifth inning, scoring three runs, with the highlight coming on a two-out, two-run home run by second baseman Andres Gimenez.
I look at my phone and it’s 2:07 p.m.I need a break. I distract myself with the game and scrolling on my phone between innings, hoping to forget how full I am. Between the food and the sodas I’ve had, I’ve consumed approximately $65 worth of concessions. I’m contemplating if I can do anything more. I question if it’s time to throw in the white towel.
I sit there for almost a half hour, nursing an Arnold Palmer after making the switch from Pepsi. At 2:37 p.m., I muster up the courage to go back to battle with my stomach, opting to hit the dessert bar, grabbing an ice cream sandwich ($5) and boosting my total to $70 for the day. It’s rather refreshing to get down. Having something sweet after that day I’ve had was just what I needed.
The game is continuing on, and I’m suddenly running out of time. The food options begin to dwindle as the seventh inning arrives. I grab a basket full of soft pretzel bites ($8) that roughly equate to a full-size pretzel. As I snack on them, I keep grabbing and eating and the bites are seemingly multiplying. They never seem to end.
That’s the sign for me. I don’t think I can eat anymore. I head to the drink fountain and fill up my cup once more with sweet tea and lemonade and call it quits after consuming $81 worth of gluttonous cuisine.
After paying $90 for the seats and eating that much while watching the Guardians win, I think it’s fair to say the game itself was worth at least $9.
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