The BoneLady, Cleveland Browns superfan
Something most people don’t know about me: I’m saving up to go to clown college.
My cell phone: I’m still trying to figure out my phone. I just upgraded. When I told the woman at AT&T what type of phone I had before, she started laughing at me. “We don’t make this phone anymore,” she said. “You know, you can get a phone now that receives text messages.”
Biggest turn-on: Football
Biggest turnoff: Unkind people
I own too many: Rocks. I started collecting them when I was a kid. I have them all over my house in stacks.
My favorite … place in Cleveland: Wherever my friends are. It’s all about who you’re with, not where you’re at. That said, I really like going where they serve alcoholic libations. … sports team: The Browns, duh. … book: The Artist’s Way by Julia Cameron. That book changed my life. It taught me not to take my creativity for granted. … vacation destination: I want to go back to Italy or Paris, which is my favorite city. … dessert: I’m addicted to Australian black licorice at Trader Joe’s. I might have a little problem. It makes my teeth turn black, but it’s worth it. … blog: I don’t read any blogs. I’m technologically challenged. I can barely get on there to change my Facebook status. The less I touch a computer, the better off I am, but I’m really good with a glue gun.
Facebook: yes or no? Yes, Bonelady’s on Facebook. I didn’t want to be for the longest time. Everyone kept saying, “You have to.” So I finally did. The best thing is connecting with other Browns fans. I use it to vent my frustrations, especially this season. I’ve got to let it out.
My usual hangout: My apartment. I’m a homebody.
In high school … I wasn’t very happy. Even though I was active in a lot of things, I wasn’t comfortable in my own skin. If I could go back and start high school again, I would rock it.
My passion: Football. Who knew?
My best feature: My big … personality. That’s a joke.
My bad habit: Procrastination. I love to stay in bed all day in my jammies. I rationalize it by saying I’m fueling my creativity.
My first kiss: I don’t remember. I don’t think it curled my toes.
My guilty pleasure: I don’t feel guilty about anything that’s pleasurable.
How my ex would describe me: Kind. And a smartass. I’m a nice smartass.
Blonds or brunets: I’m all about dark hair and blue eyes.
Going out or staying in: Staying in
Early, late or right on time: Usually right on time
Dogs or cats: I have both though probably I like dogs more. I’m the Bonelady after all. I had my dog for 17 years. She’s my best friend in the world. And my cats are actually more like dogs.
My longest relationship: Let’s just say that I stayed at the party way too long.
Beer, wine or martinis: I like wine in the winter and beer in the summer. I’m a seasonal drinker.
Roses or chocolates: I don’t like red flowers, but if they’re not red, I’ll take flowers. The only chocolate I like is bittersweet dark chocolate.
My deal-breaker: Steelers fan. Totally. Also, if they say to you, I live at home with my dad, run!
I hate when a date orders … I don’t really give a shit what they order — unless I’m buying.
Worst pickup line: I’m on the Weather Channel a couple times a year. One time the reporter asked me, “How’s your dating life?” I replied, “Um, not so good.” I looked into the camera and said, “Where’s my soul mate? I’ve been looking for you my whole life!” This guy e-mails me on Facebook saying, “Yip, I’m here. Yip – Y-I-P.” Do you know how many responses I got from that appearance?
If I could marry anyone: I want to marry “my one.” I’ve been looking for him my whole life. He’s got to be walking the earth. I have this fear that I’m going to meet him in the nursing home. I’ll lean over to him in my walker and say, “Where the hell you’ve been? I’m really tired!”
On a first date I never … say never.
Best place to meet someone: If I knew that I wouldn’t be single! Three people told me they met their soul mate at the Heinen’s in Rocky River. Whenever I go there, all I meet is old people. I’m clueless, honestly. Could you tell me?
Most unusual place I’ve met someone: Internet dating sites. Oh, the whack jobs I met on there! I could do an hour of stand-up comedy on the people I met there.
My take on Cleveland’s single scene: If you’re my age, it’s pathetic. If you’re older on the singles scene, guys here think you’re a cougar. I’m not a cougar. I hate that word. I’m not on the prowl. I just want to meet the right guy.