Oh, Peyton Hillis, this city voted you onto the cover of Madden NFL 2012, and then you had to go get weird on us. We believe you that the late-season talk of your retiring to join the CIA was a tall tale, but after last fall's sideshow with the Boys & Girls Club Halloween party mess, the strep throat controversy and the surprise wedding, we really can't blame the Browns for not wanting to match the Kansas City Chiefs' $3 million one-year offer. Of course, this means it's time to retire yet another once-promising Browns player's jersey to the stack of has-beens. But don't worry, fans. We've come up with a few other uses for your orange-and-brown No. 40.
The number 40 is so round and versatile. Make it part of a banner for your brother's 40th birthday party or maybe even your parents' 40th wedding anniversary. Fair warning: Mom may not be pleased.
Dig deep in that drawer. Some of you have a Brady Quinn jersey, too. Now that the former Browns quarterback and Hillis are in Kansas City together, box up both jerseys and ship them to a Chiefs-country organization where they can do some good. Here's one: Goodwill Kansas City, 8929 Wornall Road, Kansas City, MO 64114.
Hang on to it until the fall, and use it as an easy costume while handing out candy to the kids in the neigh ... uh, actually... scratch that. Well, you can always wear it to home games this fall.